Dr. Kibby McMahon: 0:00

Hi guys, welcome to A Little Help for Our Friends, a podcast for people with loved ones struggling with mental health. Hey little helpers, it's Dr. Kibbe here. Before we dive into this episode, I wanted to tell you how I could help you navigate the mental health or addiction struggles of the people you love. Coolamine is the online coaching platform and community that I built to support you in the moment when you need it the most, like having hard conversations, asserting your needs, or setting boundaries. Even if you're just curious and want to chat about it, book a free call with me by going to the link in the show notes or going to kulamind.com, K-U-L-A-M-I-N-D.com and click get started. Thank you and enjoy the show. Welcome back, little helpers. We have a really special guest today. Anzi De Benedetto is an actor in New York, and he was in this movie that just blew my mind. I'm still reeling from it. It's called Rosemead. And for anyone who is able to see it right now, you should go see it. It is, it is based on a true story. It's a heartbreaking movie about mental health and family and cult how culture plays a role in mental health treatment. I'll let Anzi describe way more about it, but it was just such a moving movie, and so happy to have you on the podcast to talk to us about your experience with it. So welcome.

Anzi DeBenedetto: 1:26

Yeah, thanks for having me. I'm happy to be here. And uh I I totally appreciate what you said about Rosemead. It was um it was an honor to work on a project like that, and I think stories and movies like Rosemead, the more that we get people involved and the more that we get people watching them, the more we can kind of raise awareness about these really heavy topics. So thanks for putting this on.

Dr. Kibby McMahon: 1:48

Yeah. Tell us about the movie because um in the so I went to the screening in Lincoln Center um a couple weeks ago, and I was moved to hear that the director, Eric, and Lucy Liu were saying that, you know, it's they basically were making it happen themselves, right? They were like, you know, producing it, try to get the word out. Um it's a commercially difficult movie to spread around. So I really wanted to tell people about this. So tell us what is this movie about?

Anzi DeBenedetto: 2:18

So Rosemead is essentially a mother and son story. It's based on a true story that actually happened in Rosemead, California, hence the name Rosemead, and it's about a son who's struggling with mental illness in the wake of his father's passing. He struggles with schizophrenia, and they both happen to be part of the Chinese American community, so that offered some cultural shading into this situation in which the mother has to navigate how to best find treatment for her son or deal with the situations that present themselves. And I'm not gonna spoil the ending, but it's definitely a very tragic story, and it's a grim reminder of how far we still have to go in terms of mental health awareness and care in this country.

Dr. Kibby McMahon: 3:12

Okay, that's so beautifully said. It was okay, my husband and I went into the movie, just knowing a little bit about, you know, oh, it's about mental health and and um uh Chinese immigrants in in America. And we thought it was gonna be one of those typical, like, oh, the the son is Americanized and the mother can't understand, and they're upset with each other, but at the end, that you know, it's all happy in flowers, and that ending, not gonna spoil it, but it was I mean, I I I I remember watching the movie and not being able to cry, and then afterwards just crying. So we were like ugly crying afterwards. It was so moving.

Anzi DeBenedetto: 3:56

Yeah, it's definitely not like what you would expect going into like like when you said with one of those typical, the more typical formula that a lot of these other movies will follow, Rosemy definitely doesn't fall into that. Um and there there are some parts of like the cultural disconnect between mother and child, especially as like one is more from the mainland, one or more from uh like Taiwan or China or Hong Kong, and whereas the kid is born in America and raised in America. So there is some of that, but it's definitely not the main focus of the movie, so you're right.

Dr. Kibby McMahon: 4:30

Yeah. Tell tell us about your your journey in it. How did it come across your like like how did you get into the movie? What was your experience shooting it?

Anzi DeBenedetto: 4:43

Like yeah, so um I have a good relationship with the casting director, Jessica Kelly, and so she, you know, had me audition a couple times, and then they found a role for me in there, and then I was very honored to be able to be a part of this. Um, and then I only shot for three or four days because my role was like the f the Lucy Leo's son's friend, and so I play the friend that kind of looks for the son. Well, he is the son being Joe, Joe is the character's name. Uh my character Stan looks for Joe when Joe kind of goes on a little bit of a um, he has a bit of a breakdown, and Stan tries to be there for him, tries to offer some advice, uh, but ultimately it is definitely like Joe and Irene, Irene being Lucy Leo's character, Joe and Irene's uh story. And so Stan kind of offers a little bit of support and coloring from how people outside of this family might perceive the situation and might try to offer some help or might try to uh be there for Joe in whatever capacity that they can, but ultimately without all the context, it is still he's Stan is still a bit oblivious.

Dr. Kibby McMahon: 5:58

Yeah, yeah. How did how did you guys talk about what the role is? I mean, it's it's interesting because we on this podcast we talk a lot about how loved ones, friends and family play a role in people's mental health. Yeah. And how did you approach the character of like, okay, I'm gonna be a friend to this kid who's struggling?

Anzi DeBenedetto: 6:17

Yeah. And so I thought about it in terms of kind of my own past experiences with friends who've gone through mental health struggles, especially in high school, because all the characters are high schoolers. Um and so I thought back to some stories with like me and my friends or people that I used to talk to back in high school, and how I thought that I was being fully there for them. I thought that I was doing everything that I could just by like checking in and asking them how they are. When in reality, like really being there for your friends, if they're going through something that dire, you kind of need to go a bit deeper than just checking in and saying, Hey, how are you? You need to recognize when things are past a certain depth and out of your uh capabilities, and you have to know when to kind of turn towards people with more resources or with more experience. And so I kind of drew on that experience to bring uh Stan to life in terms of how he's a good friend of Joe. He wants to be there for him, he wants to do the right thing, his heart's in the right place after all, but he doesn't necessarily go about it the right way because he doesn't he doesn't know. So there's scenes where you know this I think this is fine to spoil, it's just like my little scene, but it's like there's a scene where Joe and Stan are kind of sitting in uh their their friend's bedroom and they're all chatting together, and Joe is kind of like, Oh yeah, don't you know sometimes like the shit gets to me, like it all bubbles up, I kind of get to this place in my mind where I'm like, oh my god. And Stan, my character, is just like, yeah, dude, I get it. Like when you're in that when when I'm in that zone, I just like go to Pizza Hut and eat a whole pizza. And it's like if you're talking to someone who's not really going through an actual like mental health crisis, if someone's just dealing with like the stress of a breakup or like a bad test grade or whatever, it's like, yeah, okay, like go to Pizza Hut, eat a full pizza. Sure, you know, that that could help. That could be like your way to help with the situation. But when it comes to an actual, you know, an actual mental health crisis, that's probably not the best advice. But then again, given the context of the story, Stan doesn't know what's going on. He doesn't understand uh that more help is required. And so it really paints this full picture of the situation in America where it's not necessarily that people's hearts are in the wrong places, it's just that there's a lack of awareness or there's uh there's a lack of understanding that makes the situation just very difficult to solve in the first place.

Dr. Kibby McMahon: 9:06

It's interesting that your take on that to hear that like you're looking back on that scene is like, oh, there was a missed opportunity, right? That like Stan, you know, was like well-intentioned. There was two friends, and and Stan, you know, they're well-intentioned, but they ultimately like didn't didn't understand what was the gravity of the situation. But actually, I remember that scene being really beautiful because it it was this moment where Joe was clearly having, you know, like psychotic episodes or just having symptoms, and the f the two friends, Dan what was the the name of the other friend? Jeannie. Jeannie. They they were both pulled them aside and was and it was like in contrast with the gossipy world of of like Chinese moms. Um but they seemed to be just they wanted to they show that they were being supportive and they definitely didn't know what was going on. How could they? But even just saying, like, yeah, shit gets to me and I just eat a whole pizza, there was just that moment I was like, oh, that's so sweet that they're just like validating that you know we could kind of get stress and it gets to us sometimes. Like I thought it was like actually a nice way of friends being able to like express support without fully knowing what was going on.

Anzi DeBenedetto: 10:27

Yeah, I I definitely I appreciate that sentiment and shouts out to Madison Who who played Jeannie awesomely. I think uh that that sentiment is definitely like the positive way to view the scene, and it's uh it's offers a nice contrast, like you said, to all the gossip and all the negativity spreading out in the other rooms of the house. But I do think that different people walked away with different ideas of that scene. Because I remember after a Q ⁇ A this like this past week when we were doing the the previous the premieres, an audience member actually came up to me and said, like, oh during that during that pizza scene in that bedroom, like your character I wanted to like punch you in the face so bad. I was like, what? Really? Like, like uh what? And she was she's she told me like yeah, like your character, it just seems so like he doesn't know what he's talking about, he's making the situation worse by talking about this stupid stuff about pizza. Like, I just wanted to punch you in the face, so like I'm glad to meet you in person. Now I like want to punch you less in the face. I was like, wow, okay, like that's another side, that's a different extreme. That's I thanks for telling me, like, thanks for not punching me. But it it's cool to it's always cool to see how like different people will walk away from the same scene with completely different takes. I think like they're all valid, you know. Like when you consume a piece of media, when you consume a piece of art, like however it affects you, that's how it affects you. It's not you can't, it's like you can't be affected wrongly. That doesn't really okay. But I think from when when I was approaching it, just like in my own process, I kind of came at it from the point of view of like, yeah, I'm I'm gonna put my heart in the right place, but I'm not gonna treat it like Stan is offering the correct answers. But you you are right to say that he's he's trying to be there for his friend, genuinely, and I think that's uh it's it's a good thing, you know. He's trying to do a good thing.

Dr. Kibby McMahon: 12:21

Yeah, Stan seemed to be more like the the fun the fun guy, right? And it seemed to be Jeannie was more like more the concern, like over concern, but St was like, you know, I'm the I'm the fun friend.

Anzi DeBenedetto: 12:33

Right. And actually that that I have a question for you, uh kind of in that ballpark, in terms of like as as someone who's very like very well versed in mental health and like kind of knows what she's talking about, like sometimes when when someone is going through a crisis like this, like how much would you say you should balance that kind of like genuine concern versus that that fun bringing in like that fun? Because you know, you don't want to make the person feel so alienated that it's like only concern, concern, concern, but then at the same time you need to the the situation is serious. And uh it probably depends on the situation, but I'm curious to pick your brain about that.

Dr. Kibby McMahon: 13:14

Yeah, that's a really good question. And I I don't think there's a there's a one as you imagine, one answer. But I do think that humor and lightness definitely has a place, but it if it serves to avoid the hard feelings, that then it's like not as helpful. So for example, like even in therapy or you know, if someone's going through something hard, you gotta really go there with them, like really be like, tell me about what's going on. I want to hear, I want to sit with you in those feelings and validate it. And then you can bring lightness, right? It's when people joke, if someone goes, hey, I'm having a hard time, and they're like, whatever, then that would be kind of a sign of like, I don't really want to go deep. I want to stay in the up and like the humor and the lightness can be basically like a block, like an emotional block. So yeah, you have to kind of go down in there and then use the lightness to like bring up, you know, when when it makes sense. But yeah, that's a delicate balance for for friends to like cheer up someone, right? Like sometimes it works, but sometimes it like really isn't validating or isn't like missing the point.

Anzi DeBenedetto: 14:25

Yeah, I I hear what you're saying. It also seems to me that like the cheering up shouldn't take place before the situation is fully unpacked. Like before things are unpacked, you can't just start putting like the mask and tape over it. You gotta, you gotta make sure the box is fully open before you can start clearing it. I don't know.

Dr. Kibby McMahon: 14:44

Well, I mean Rosemie was such an interesting example because we talk most people talk about mental health with the stuff that they know, whereas like anxiety, depression, schizophrenia is a whole other ball game. Like that is most people don't know what it is, right, when it's happening. Um it comes on suddenly, like sometimes in it was interesting, like that especially boys, it comes on like an early adulthood, like they could just be totally fine and then suddenly bam, like in their 20s, like you know, they have an episode. So it can be I mean, how can friends and family deal with it?

Anzi DeBenedetto: 15:25

Like, did you have instructions about or did you all talk about like how people should how like the friends and family should respond to Joe or it should be I think it in that realm what Eric, our director, kind of told us to approach it, the the way that he told us to approach it, was more with that that lack of understanding. I think the because the situation is so in the movie, the situation is so novel and it's unfolding in real time, his friends don't know that he that like how bad things have gotten. They just see him kind of running around, kind of avoiding people. And so part of the direction was to actually not um fully comprehend the situation and react in an earnest, uh surprised way. Um I think it's very interesting coming at it from like a New Yorker point of view, because I think a lot of New Yorkers have had first hand experience like on the subway or like out and about with people with schizophrenia, and that comes with a certain level of stigma as well. Like in New York, like you see it a lot and you generate your own preconceptions about it. And so coming into this project and actually having to learn more about it and and uh think about it less in terms of like someone on the subway and like actually like a classmate my age undergoing it in real time was a very it was a very different way of thinking about the mental illness for me. And um looking at it kind of made me think about it more as a like less as less as like a a sentence or like less as um like something bad has happened to a person and more as like a situation that needs to be understand understood, if that makes sense.

Dr. Kibby McMahon: 17:31

Like an ongoing situation, like something that's about him that that you're we're dealing with, and not just like this is an event or this is like a one-off like crazy thing that happened.

Anzi DeBenedetto: 17:40

Or like there's less of a less of a sense of finality, like it's an ongoing situation that there are ways to navigate, even if they aren't navigated perfectly in the movie, there are ways to navigate rather than it being like, oh, like you have schizophrenia, like that's that's kind of curtains, which I think sometimes living in the city, like we are wont to think about it in that way.

Dr. Kibby McMahon: 18:04

Yeah, I think you're you're making a good point because it's like whenever we do have uh experience with schizophrenia, it's like really bad. It's like the worst case scenario. Yeah. But no one knows about that people can have it and then get treated, or you know, like it could come and go in some way, like it could be managed and you can have a normal life. That's crazy. How how did you understand the um tell us a little bit about the the adults and the cultural piece with it? I thought it was so interesting. Um the whole worry about stigma and judgment and how um Irene and Joe kept everything secret, and you and like in that scene where you were talking about um where you were talking about the pizza, people were not were kind of being a little gossipy and judgy. What did how did you guys understand that that part?

Anzi DeBenedetto: 19:03

I think that part specifically related to a bit a a bit of like the Chinese uh community. I'm not very familiar with the Chinese community specifically in Rosemead, but I'm uh like Rosemead the Town, not the movie, but I'm I'm you know, I I I'm half Chinese, like I have a lot of Chinese family that I spend a lot of time with, and I've lived in China, so like I understand the the cultural context and the way that a lot of Chinese people view mental health. And there is definitely a lot of ground to be um like a lot of ground to be covered. There's a lot of uh changes that might need that might need to take place and already are taking place in terms of understanding and in terms of um uh having a little bit more empathy for these problems. I think um in Rosemead that those scenes where like the aunties are discussing these these issues that Joe is going through, they There's a lack of compassion really, and it's more of like, oh, Irene's son is doing so much worse than my family's kids. Like, I'm so happy that like my kids aren't going through that. There's a sense of like, oh, like like because someone else is doing worse, like that makes me happy that my kids aren't doing as bad. And like that's not that's not like a uniquely Chinese thing. That that spirit is definitely permeates through a lot of different cultures. But the the uniquely Chinese thing about that, I think, is this um that idea that like the mental health is it's something so foreign. Like this idea of like a mental illness is it it it's not classified as necessarily like as an illness, it's classified as like something wrong with the person that they might be choosing to do something wrong, or like something wrong with the parenting style, or something wrong with like the household culture, rather than hey, there's things in the brain that aren't that aren't that that that just aren't causing this. Um and I think that that's that was the part that the the the screenwriter Marilyn and the director Eric kinda keyed in on, which is the w like where where the people in the Chinese community will place the blame for a mental health crisis. And they'll place the blame on the parent. Interesting.

Dr. Kibby McMahon: 21:36

I what what what kind of half are you?

Anzi DeBenedetto: 21:39

What um who's who's uh I mean my my mom is Chinese, my dad is like Italian American.

Dr. Kibby McMahon: 21:46

That's cool. Yeah, I'm I'm my mom was also um Chinese, my dad is um American, so where's your mom from? Shawai. Okay, great. Is that where you lived when you went there? Yeah. How is that?

Anzi DeBenedetto: 21:59

It's so it's such like a I haven't been there for like since I was like eight. Yeah, no, we I moved there when I was eight, and then I I lived there from eight to fourteen, and then I came back to the States, and then I hadn't been back in like 10 years, and then I went back for the first time in like like two months ago. I went back for like 10 days, and it was it was awesome. Like I I gotta go. I love it.

Dr. Kibby McMahon: 22:22

I gotta go again. It's it it's like super developed now, right? It's like I hear that in the past couple years.

Anzi DeBenedetto: 22:27

Cyberpunk, Blade Runner, everything. Like everything's in WeChat. Trains that like fly, you know. Oh my god, basically, like it was it was it was sick. Yeah. That's cool.

Dr. Kibby McMahon: 22:40

It's it's I I love that part um of the I'm not usually it's funny. I guess like me being, you know, so Americanized, I'm like, I don't usually like to oh I not like, but I usually don't actually talk about like the cultural piece of mental health, but it's it was such a big part of my life because my mom from Hong Kong, you know, we were living here, struggled with alcoholism and a lot of mental health issues. And it was weird to kind of navigate that from, you know, like with my Chinese family versus here, because you know, here of course there's like more awareness and help and we talk about it differently, but in the Chinese family like first of all, there's no like like a huge therapy culture in Hong Kong versus here. There's like none of that. And it was more like, oh, we just have to work around it in the family, like we just have to, you know, on the good days, you know, talk to them, but on the bad days, just like leave mom alone kind of thing. And how how is your like d did your family also feel like very different in terms of talking about like health or mental health or anything like that?

Anzi DeBenedetto: 23:54

Um so I think my family has been really lucky in terms of that. We're we're kind of like a we're a small nuclear family of just like me, my mom, and my dad. Our our extended family. Like we see them often, but we we we're not really like caught up in each other's issues heavily. And like our nuclear family hasn't had any major, like like hasn't really had any like mental illness uh struggles to deal with like that. We haven't had to deal with like addiction or with other things, so it we we've counted ourselves as very lucky with that. But uh kind of it it's I don't know, would you count like dementia and Alzheimer's as mental health?

Dr. Kibby McMahon: 24:32

Yeah, they're neuro neurological disorders, but I guess I guess that does have this other piece of like it's not your fault because it's more like physical.

Anzi DeBenedetto: 24:43

Yeah, I mean it it also bleeds into a bit with like uh depression too, because I think I mean like I I'll just like kind of spill. Like my uh my grandfather on my mom's side is currently like he's pretty late stage Alzheimer's, and then my um my grandmother on my dad's side is like has dementia right now. And so we're as a family, we're kind of like navigating these waters right now, and I I've I count ourselves as like really lucky that we're able to talk talk pretty openly about like how these ailments are affecting our family members, but also affecting like us as the kill as the caregivers. Like my mom has over the last like five years has put in so much time taking care of my my grandfather and like my grandmother who's now past, but like before that, and she was like taking care of them for so long, and I could see like how it was kind of affecting her mentally, and maybe this is where like the Chinese culture of it bleeds into a bit where we never really like talked flat out, like hey, like how does spending so much time taking care of your father when he's like forgetting who you are and flipping out at you and like calling you by the wrong name, like how does this affect you? Like, we've had some conversations about it, but it's never been like super like I statements or like therapy speech or like like very like concrete stuff, but we are like the conversation is open, and I I have had chats with her about like hey, it's it's crazy that like this is happening, and it's crazy that like he like can't he doesn't remember your name and then he's like flipped out and she's and my mom has told me like yeah, it's it kind of sucks, but like we you gotta do what you gotta do. Um so I I'd say we're kind of in this like gray zone of like we're not necessarily like super Americanized with like oh let's like let's go to therapy about it, which like I think it could be helpful in certain scenarios, yeah. Like um, but then we're also not super on the other side of like not talking about anything at all and keeping it all behind closed doors. We're kinda we're we're a good mix, which makes sense because it's like you know, we're a mixed family, lol.

Dr. Kibby McMahon: 26:51

Yeah, that makes sense. Oh, so sorry to hear that. That's awful. Are they are they all here or are they are they in Shanghai?

Anzi DeBenedetto: 26:58

Uh my uh no, the the Chinese side of my family's all in New York, so they're here.

Dr. Kibby McMahon: 27:03

Oh wow. Okay, so that makes it a little bit easier, I guess. Yeah, yeah.

Anzi DeBenedetto: 27:07

We can still see them and like take care of them. And it's a lot easier than if they were back in China. It'd be it would be kind of a madhouse.

Dr. Kibby McMahon: 27:14

Yeah. I mean it's this is this is actually my um my specialty as a psychologist is focusing on like caregiver mental health and support. Because so that's why Roseme was so interesting to me, because it really did give this we we think about these diseases as like individual, like you are sick, but you can see that like ripples out to the people around you. And I I always talk about mental health as like a community thing. And especially for the Chinese culture or Asian cultures where it's so much of support is on the family, right? It's like it's here that's like, okay, let's get a put in the nursing home or get someone, but here is I mean, I don't know about you, but in my family, it's like the younger people take care of the older people.

Anzi DeBenedetto: 28:04

Right, right. I mean, and that kind of fills me with a bit of optimism, to be honest, because it's like, okay, we have this pre-existing structure within the Asian cultural diaspora of hey, the younger generation's gonna take care of the older generation. And so if you have that pre-existing structure, you have that framework, I think if you put in, you like inject some more like mental health awareness and some like tools and like coping mechanisms and understanding into that mix, then it's like, okay, we really have like a good dynamic going on here. We have like a family that's willing to be there and spend time and resources to take care of their loved ones. And if they have just a little bit more resources uh in terms of like understanding and in terms of like the vocabulary to use and the methodology to practice when it comes to mental health crises or mental health illnesses, then cool, like we kind of have we kind of have the best of both worlds going on here. So it I think and I I've seen this a lot in like the the new generation of like specifically Chinese people as well. Like the the like my generation of Chinese, Chinese people and younger are like very tapped in when it comes to like social uh social uh what what's the word I'm looking for? When it comes to like uh social justice, when it comes to social justice uh like issues, like like mental health or like like gender equality, like uh people being uh respectable and like respectful in uh an interpersonal way in society, I think the the younger generation in China specifically is like they're the you know they're very advanced, like they they they talk about all these issues very openly. And so it it it does fill me with a lot of hope. Like I I'm very excited to see how like people continue to adapt and continue to improve.

Dr. Kibby McMahon: 30:00

Well then how how is the mental health support over in China? If people if the younger generation is more aware of it, but I I don't know if I'm I don't know if my understanding is updated or not, but I thought that like there's a lot less, there are a lot fewer like therapists and clinics and a lot of less resources out there, but is that not true now?

Anzi DeBenedetto: 30:22

I I definitely don't know like the the actual numbers when it comes to like you don't know all the stats about the mental health support and training. I have I have no stats. I'm just going off of like comment sections and like people that I've talked to, like when I was on my most recent trip to China. Because I think I came in with some preconceptions of like, oh like like I I didn't really know like what what the where the minds of young people in China were at. And then when I went back this last time, you know, we were going out to we were going out to the bars and like talking to a lot of people and like people were very open about like oh yeah, like I was going through some shit with like my with like my ex-girlfriend, we were over here, we were traveling, we like just like talking about issues and like things were flowing. So like in terms of actual structural, maybe uh institutional uh mental health um resources, I I it it probably, like you said, it probably has a long way to go. I think in terms of the people that I was talking to and meeting, though, I was very pleasantly surprised to hear how open they were when it came to not only mental health stuff, but also just like stuff about like queerness, stuff about like racism, stuff like all these issues that we as Americans think like, oh yeah, we're like Americans, we know everything there is to know about queerness and like racism, like we got this on lock. It's like wow, like other places like have their own, like they have good ideas, like damn.

Dr. Kibby McMahon: 31:47

Do you feel more like a kid like rooted here in New York or Shanghai? Because like you went there when you were like in a formative state. So do you feel like that that's home or do you feel like this is home?

Anzi DeBenedetto: 31:58

It it was weird. Like now, now I definitely think New York's my home. Like I I see myself as an like a New Yorker, as an American. But when I lived in China, I I was eight when I moved there. I grew up there as like a little Chinese kid, and then like when I moved back to the States, I was like, oh my god, like what is this culture shock? Like, I I felt much more Chinese than American by the time I was like 13, 14 moving back to the States. And so that that culture shock was pretty crazy for me because I I immediately got like I went to boarding school in like Bumfuck New Hampshire. Not bumfuck. Like, shout out New Hampshire, love New Hampshire. But um, it was it was like really weird for me. Like, I I uh like New Hampshire, that's yeah. What was that like? What was the biggest shock of that of that move? Okay, the like this this might be a crazy story. Like, can't I I don't know, like can I Please tell Please tell it. It's just like this one random anecdote from like ninth grade. Like um I was in like the first semester of school in in in um English class, and we were reading this passage, and like there was a passage where it talked about like like Arab, like Saudi Arabia, like and I mentioned the people as like Arabs, and like I read it as Arab. Like I did I didn't like know that it was like pronounced Arab because I I like I don't know. Like my English was good, but then I hadn't like read a lot in English, I hadn't been doing a lot of like I don't know, like cla I don't even know. Like I just said Arab and then like everyone around the table was like well but like everyone at the t at the table was like, what did you just say? Like, what? And I was like, what did I do wrong? Like I didn't I didn't realize. Like it's just like a small thing, but it it it really made me feel like I was like, even though I spoke the language fluently, I speak English, like I never forgot my English, I felt very unplugged from the cultural, like the times. I felt very like unplugged from the times. I was like, oh, I didn't know that was like a thing that like I like I didn't know. And it made me feel very un-American in that one moment. But then there was also other stuff of just like like I I I would miss China, I'd be like, oh my god, like I miss I miss Shanghai and like the way that like the streets looked, and like it I I would in my head I was always like oh Shanghai is so clean and New York is so dirty, like I hate New York. And then like after a couple more years living here, I'm like, yeah, whatever, it's like dirty, but like shouts out, like, love that.

Dr. Kibby McMahon: 34:28

How did you become an actor? Like, what was your journey to this career?

Anzi DeBenedetto: 34:33

Um, I always like I was always acting from when I was really young. I I my first show was in like kindergarten, I think that was it was Winnie the Pooh. I I I played one of three Christopher Robbins in Winnie the Pooh. So that was a good time. And I think I I I've always been the kind of person where if I find something that I like, I'm just gonna keep doing it until I stop liking it. And I haven't stopped liking acting, so I'm just gonna keep doing it.

Dr. Kibby McMahon: 35:00

That's awesome.

unknown: 35:01

Yeah.

Dr. Kibby McMahon: 35:02

Did you study all the all the way through growing up, or did you like reacting? Yeah, like did you did you say, okay, I'm gonna do this, or did you I I like committed to it, but I I went to like normal school.

Anzi DeBenedetto: 35:15

Like I I had like regular schooling. I learned calculus or some of it, and um I did I did normal classes until I graduated high school, and then I was like, okay, I'm gonna go uh like to to drama school. So I went to NYU Tisch and I like got a drama major and like really focused in. That's when I decided to really focus in.

Dr. Kibby McMahon: 35:36

Is that undergrad or you did the grad school grading?

Anzi DeBenedetto: 35:39

Yeah, I have not got gone to grad school.

Dr. Kibby McMahon: 35:41

That's cool. What kind of uh what kind of roles or what what kind of kind of acting do you like? What what kind of um what kind of work do you like to do?

Anzi DeBenedetto: 35:51

Oh my god, like I I I at this point have done a little bit of everything in the in the acting sphere, and I'm very blessed to have done so. You know, I've done I've done TV, movie, lots of theater. I've done touring theater, non-union theater, children's theater, like I've done voiceover, commercial, like uh actually I haven't done motion capture yet. I've had motion capture auditions, but I haven't done motion capture yet. I'd like to try that. That sounds like a lot of fun. In terms of my favorite stuff to do, I I like dramatic acting. Like my favorite, my favorite stuff to act in in school was like Chekhov scenes. Like I really love Chekhov, I really love Shakespeare. And so those are kind of when I feel the most like wow, I'm really tapping into like a long lineage of this craft, of this culture, of this art. And that that's what makes me feel really um like really pleased and like happy to see like how far I've come. Uh and then when it comes to like more fun stuff, I think I have a I have a lot of fun um with doing like silly voiceovers. Like I'll do like video game voiceovers or a lot of like video game voiceover auditions, and those give you the those give you the leeway to really just like go off the go off the rails and like have fun with it.

Dr. Kibby McMahon: 37:06

I hear that being a voiceover actor is like where it's at. I hear it's like really lucrative and really easy. Like you just try to do that.

Anzi DeBenedetto: 37:12

I mean like they they got a whole craft of their their own. So like I like I I don't know about like necessarily easy because there's like a whole other like skill set that they have to develop, but it is like damn it, it is lucrative. Like they got they work on their own schedules, they work from home, like so it's easy in that way, definitely.

Dr. Kibby McMahon: 37:29

That's awesome. What kind of characters do you like? If you like dramatic dramatic pieces, um are there specific kinds of characters that you'd love to do?

Anzi DeBenedetto: 37:37

Or yeah, so like my um my dream role, which I I'm definitely not ready for yet, uh acting skill level, maybe, and like also just like physically not there, like old enough yet, uh, is uh have you seen uh Better Call Saul?

Dr. Kibby McMahon: 37:55

Yes.

Anzi DeBenedetto: 37:56

Okay, so Love Better Call Saul.

Dr. Kibby McMahon: 37:58

Love breaking back, love yeah.

Anzi DeBenedetto: 38:00

It's the awesome. Better Call Saul. Yeah, yeah. Vince Galligant, like they they they cooked. Um any of those characters I'd be so down to play. Specifically, my favorite role is Lalo Salamanca, played by Tony Dalton. Um he is uh like he he's hilarious. He's like this, he's like this villain. Uh this is just for like the people that haven't seen it. Uh Lalo Salamanca is this like he's like a happy-go-lucky villain, and so he's like he's he doesn't take stuff seriously like 80% of the time. He's running around like glocking his waistband, just like having fun. But then like he locks in and then it's like, oh wait, he's actually like a scary person. Like he's actually there's a reason that he gets this leeway to act so uh frivolous, and it's because he has this other side to him. And that character is the first time I the first time I watched him on screen, I was like, this is magnetic. It's like this this there's so much depth to this character, but it's also so much fun. It looks so fun to play. Um so maybe one day when I'm when I'm older.

Dr. Kibby McMahon: 39:08

How would you do that kind of character? Like if you in the scenes where he's like, you know, like silly and fun, can you just like fully embody that? Or do you have to? I don't I my my husband was an actor for a while, but I don't know anything about the acting process. Do you have to have that layer of sociopath underneath it at when you're playing even the the funny parts?

Anzi DeBenedetto: 39:29

I think for stuff like that, and every actor has their own uh their own process when it comes to backstory and when it comes to building and fully fleshing out a character. I think when it comes to playing a character that like you've done for season after season, like episode after episode in in this TV show, there comes like a certain um like bodily awareness. There comes like a certain stuff that like bleeds just into your flesh and bones. And with a character with like that many levels and layers, I Think if I were to play it, I wouldn't have to cognize cognitize. Oh, like I'm a sociopath even though I'm acting like so happy-go-lucky right now. I think that like darker side would already just like be there in the bottom in terms of not necessarily like behaving any different way, but there would be a point of view about it. Like if you're in a if you're in a happy-go-lucky scene, you're interacting with someone and it's like, oh, you're just having fun. I think if you're just like a regular happy-go-lucky person, like the thought process kind of stops there. It's like I'm having fun here, I'm having a good time. If you have that like sociopathic or like that dark side in the back of your head, it would also take an extra thought of maybe like, oh, how can I benefit from this? Or like, oh, like we're having fun right now, but there was a moment of vulnerability that this person just showed that I could take advantage of if I wanted to, but I don't want to, so we're gonna keep having fun. And it's so it's definitely it's like less of thinking, oh, I have to be sociopathic now, and more thinking like more thinking just like these actual like thoughts, like these actual, maybe like sociopathic thoughts in the back of your head, and then whether or not they sh come out, whether or not they're shown, is just like up to the moment. It's like up to whether the moment like reveals it. And I think that that kind of stuff, given enough um episodes and scenes, it really paints a full picture.

Dr. Kibby McMahon: 41:26

That's interesting. Do how how do you like I guess this is a question of like what kind of process you follow, but like does it affect you long term? Like, do the characters that you play affect you long term, or is it like I just I just always imagine that when you're shooting and you have to do multiple takes, you have to like go back into the and then like take a break and like wait for them to, you know, redo the lights and you have to go back. Like the switching the character on and off is such an interesting process in my mind. But what is it like for you professionally?

Anzi DeBenedetto: 42:00

I think sometimes with uh very emotionally intense scenes, especially on screen, the directors will have a lot of uh understanding and compassion for the process. So it'll be like, okay, we're doing a take and then we're gonna like we're gonna cut obviously and reset and do the take again, but it's they'll do their best to make it less jarring for the actor. They'll be like, okay, like cut and then kind of give the actor their own space to like get in their like headspace, maybe give a couple notes, like basically really like be there for what the actor needs. For me personally, like if I'm doing something, like I I had this scene in this like short film that I was filming like a couple weeks ago where it was like really like high emotions, and then like we would have to reset and like do the whole thing again because it was like a long sequence that we had to like do this emotional sequence for. And so every time we reset, the the director would kind of come up to me like, hey, like you good? Like if you need anything, we're here. I'd be like, No, I'm good. And they're like, okay, like we're just gonna we're just gonna go like reset the lights, we're gonna reset everything. You take your time, you sit down here, do whatever you need to. And me personally, like when I have that space to kind of just like take care of myself, I do a pretty good job of like getting back to where I need to be, like thinking through everything. Because I'll kind of talk to myself and be like, okay, cool, like we just did that, let's reset to where our mind state was before all that. What were the thoughts I was thinking before this all happened? Okay, we're thinking like uh like I want what's for dinner, and we're thinking normal thoughts, and then once I'm back into like normal zone, it's like the heart rate goes down, the the bulging of the eyes stops, it's like the blood pressure drops. It's like okay, we're we're we're doing well. It's like honestly a bit like meditative.

Dr. Kibby McMahon: 43:41

That's crazy. That takes so much skill. That's so like I basically teach emotion regulation skills all day, like how to move yourself from like I'm going nuts to you know feeling more calm. But you you basically have to do that all the time of like moving yourself through different emotional spaces.

Anzi DeBenedetto: 44:00

Yeah, I think thank you. Yeah, that's that's like the craft of it. And I mean, in in school and in like in training, a lot the emotional regulation and these like kind of yoga stuff, like yoga and meditation do play like a pretty big part in in the training that I underwent. So all all this stuff is definitely really it's really linked. The human emotion uh like framework is you know, there's real science behind it. Like there's people have written books, like people understand like the like breath work has a huge impact on like how your emotions play out, you know, the where you hold tension in your body corresponds to like the trauma that you've undergone. It's like all these very physical things have huge impacts on emotions. And like it's it's cool when you get to like work in my industry and like really feel that like one-to-one relationship. Like I've had I've had times where like back back in school, it was like people we were talking about, like, oh, you're holding like tension in your neck or something, and then someone would like the teacher would come out and like shake out the neck, and then like a student would just like break down crying. It's like whoa, what just what just happened here? It's like witchcraft almost, but it's it's it's science.

Dr. Kibby McMahon: 45:10

Oh my god, you just reminded me. I know someone who was doing an acting um workshop, and like they were doing that kind of like muscle release, and he did, and it actually triggered a either manic or psychotic episode.

Speaker 2: 45:25

Yeah.

Dr. Kibby McMahon: 45:25

So after that, he just was like, so it like he attributed to like you went so deep into the emotions, and it just like that's crazy.

Anzi DeBenedetto: 45:35

That's like something that it's good to have trained professionals around to like kind of navigate and uh like really be there for you like when when that stuff happens. I think the a part of the the training and like the craft of being like a professional actor is like stopping yourself from getting like too far lost in the weeds. Because you know, having intense emotions is part of the job, but getting lost in those emotions to the point where it becomes like unsafe for you or other people on set is when it stops being a job and be it's like that's just becoming like a bit irresponsible. And so that's like the that's like the tricky bit where it's okay, how can we safely dive into these really like unexamined or more dangerous parts of our own psyche of our own emotions, but still like make our way back and like grab lunch with the crew and like be a normal functioning member of society afterwards? It's like you gotta you gotta like treat it as a job too.

Dr. Kibby McMahon: 46:30

So wait, isn't isn't there a whole like you know, like idealizing the method acting where Daniel Day Lewis is like that is that character for like two years of sh like Yeah, I think there's a lot of you know there's a lot of mythology that like the public like to build around, specifically like the method.

Anzi DeBenedetto: 46:49

Like I I've studied a bit of the method, I'm definitely not like the most well-versed in it, but um I think a lot of actors that I talk to and a lot of the people that I've worked with, we all have this attitude of like, yeah, whatever you want to do with your own process, like you can do, but when that starts becoming a hassle for the other people that have jobs on set, that's when you need to re-examine yourself. That's interesting. Yeah, that makes sense.

Dr. Kibby McMahon: 47:14

What do you feel is like your next frontier in terms of acting, in terms of like the kind of roles you want or the kind of skills or development that you want to build?

Anzi DeBenedetto: 47:24

So I think I'm I'm in a movie that I think we're gonna start shooting kind of next like this upcoming spring. I can't really like talk too much about it yet, but I it's like set in New York kind of vibes, and it's it's cool. And uh I'm I'm excited for that. That's kind of like the next project that I have up on my calendar. Uh aside from that, I'd like to do a little bit more theater as well. Like I did um, I did a I did two Shakespeare plays over the summer, and that was a lot of fun. I think I'm good on Shakespeare for maybe like one or two years, but I'd like to do another play, especially like some regional theater would be really fun. Because I miss like that feeling of being out in wherever and you just like have like a cast that you get super close to over like a couple months, and it's that that that's a very special feeling. So I'd like to do some regional theater. That's cool. That's cool.

Dr. Kibby McMahon: 48:15

How do how does um how does being half Asian play into like finding roles and stuff like that? Like is the industry more into I can imagine like it might be hard to typecast you or be like, oh, you're this, or does that not matter anymore?

Anzi DeBenedetto: 48:31

Um it's kind of weird. I think like some people will look at me and not really know what to do with me. Um yeah, for better or worse. Yeah, yeah, right. It's like, okay, you're what are you from?

Dr. Kibby McMahon: 48:43

Hawaii or something? I'm like, yeah, yeah.

Anzi DeBenedetto: 48:47

Yeah, yeah. Not Asian enough. I mean, maybe if there were more like Kazakh roles, I could like get some more jobs. Like, I don't know. Um yeah, I I sometimes run into a problem where it's like uh I'll have a lot of like Asian auditions, and then like, you know, I s especially for Chinese auditions, like I speak the language fluently, my Chinese is banging, you know, so like I'll come in with all that, but then it's like, yeah, but like both of the parents are Chinese, and then it kind of looks weird if you like waltz in, like, even though you are more like Asian passing, it's like it just doesn't look right. And it's like I can't do anything about that either. So I think like there's always jobs, you know, there's there's infinite jobs out there, and I'll keep looking and like I'll just see what the future holds.

Dr. Kibby McMahon: 49:33

That's awesome. That's really awesome.

Anzi DeBenedetto: 49:36

Are there any other questions or topics that you were like, oh, I really wish that we could well there was actually one question that a lady came up to me after one of the Roseme Q ⁇ A's and asked me about, and I I I wanted to pick your brain about that too, which was she basically asked me, like, okay, you you have a community that wants to like you have a community, like the Asian American community, and you have like mental health professionals, and there's kind of like a lack of trust that the community has for professionals. So how do you increase this trust is the question that she asked me. I didn't have a good answer for her. I I was basically like, I don't know. Like I I would just try to trust, but that's that that's like I let me try to get a better answer for you. So yeah, what's your two sets?

Dr. Kibby McMahon: 50:30

Um, I think that that is a that's a really good question that the psychology field and therapists try to tackle because there is something about someone from your community who understands you and it looks like you that that um that is super important. So I do think just like there's a whole a bunch of systemic levels that that changes that need to happen, like more support for different kinds of people becoming therapists or support, but education. So I I do think that like even like the movie like Rosemead, or even just different ways of um, even like let's say, I don't know, I'm gonna make it up on the spot, but like webinars from therapists to a community that is usually like you know, not so you know, comfortable with therapists for us to talk about like, hey, this is what depression is, this is what schizophrenia is, this is how I would treat it. What do you guys think about that, right? So like educating and make it I think in the past mental health treatment has been very like like therapists have been very like um like closed book and elitist, kind of like yes, we're like doctors, we have the knowledge. And I think now it's a lot more like okay, let me just share the knowledge and just be open with it. And so then that just builds the trust of like, oh, I get what you guys are doing, I get how you're thinking about it. Um, so I definitely think just more communication and awareness about like what is mental health, how is it treated? Um, and then also like on our side as therapists, we need to adapt more our treatments, the things that we know work, but like, how do you how does it work for a different culture? That's like why I I started Cool Am I my my program for supporting family members of people with mental illness, because I'm like, yeah, there are cultures who like they don't go to a doctor, they don't want to go to therapy, but they go to their mom for help. So like we gotta just educate families about like what to do and if your kid like says that they want to take their own life. Like you got, you know, or in I have friends who do global mental health in like Africa and they're teaching like the community leaders and priests about mental health, right? Because like they don't have therapists there. So I think like a little bit of you know, like meeting in the middle kind of thing.

Anzi DeBenedetto: 52:51

Yeah, and and like putting the the tools in the right hands.

Dr. Kibby McMahon: 52:54

Yeah.

Anzi DeBenedetto: 52:56

Okay, yeah, that's that's a very astute answer. Thank you.

Dr. Kibby McMahon: 52:59

Yeah, yeah. I mean, uh there's like a whole we go on and on about that, but like the cultural cultural sensitivity is just like huge. Even just like the language you use, right? Like Chinese people will mostly say that they have a headache or stomachache instead of like anxiety. You know, therapists need to know that and and to build trust, you'd be like, oh, they're saying that their stomach hurts, that might be a sign of this. Let's let's talk to them about that.

Anzi DeBenedetto: 53:24

I didn't actually know that. That's wow. Okay.

Dr. Kibby McMahon: 53:27

Yeah, because like when cultures don't aren't like aware of mental mental health, they're more aware of like physical health and body cue. So they're like, oh, I'm hungry or full, I get I don't want to eat, right? Or I'm having digestive issues, right? Chinese people want to talk about that. Um, so that's where you they're that's like the language, the entryway for that. Wow, okay, yeah. Yeah. Thank you so much for this conversation. I've loved it. I've thought it was fascinating. I could talk like for another several hours about this, but tell tell our our audience how we can find you, you know, how to go see Rosemead.

Anzi DeBenedetto: 54:06

Yeah, for sure. So um you can find me on Instagram at at its underscore onzi, I t s underscore a-n-zi-i. And rosemead currently, I think, just wrapped its premiere in LA. It's going to other cities. So the best way to find out where you can watch Rosemead near you is if you follow Rosemead on Instagram. So if you just look up Rosemead or Rosemead Lucy Leo on Instagram, it'll pop up because you know Lucy, Lucy's doing a great job of like promoting and like really, really bringing this movie to the masses. Uh so Instagram, you can find that out. Um and yeah, if if people have the chance to go watch the movie and want to share their thoughts, like hit me up and let me know what you think, and I'll give you comments a read. I'd love to hear what people are reflecting on and what they take away from the movie.

Dr. Kibby McMahon: 54:55

Thanks so much. This was lovely. Um I'm gonna link uh if you send me those um like your account and Rosemead, I'll link it on the show notes. So anyone listening, just check it out on the description. And um please, for anyone listening, please spread the word about Rosemead, go see it. And we'll see you next week. Thank you. Yep.

Anzi DeBenedetto: 55:19

Thank you for having me.

Dr. Kibby McMahon: 55:22

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Speaker 2: 56:30

Thank you.